Interlude - Seriously?! What the actual fu€k?!
We're over. Obviously. That's the whole point of this blog, after all. But I need to say that as a means of self mental preservation at this point. I need to remind myself that every chance I get. I need to remember that because everything changed last night. And all I asked for was the truth.
She has a boyfriend. She's had one officially for about a week and unofficially for the better part of two months. It's someone I am familiar with and someone I assumed but was assured time and time again that nothing was happening. I never really believed it and I even caught her in some lies about him but I never thought this would happen.
The main issue for me is twofold. First, my wife who still lives under the same roof as I do and has yet to actually file for divorce now has a boyfriend. And secondly, and more importantly, she chose to focus on herself when she sought help with the aim of becoming a better mom. Instead she chose to focus on a romantic relationship and still not spend alone time with her kids, leaving me to ostensibly be a single parent. In other words she decided that a romantic relationship would help her more than being a mom. I don't care who you are or what your view on children is…that's just messed up.
I could go on for pages about how upset I am about the fact she has a boyfriend. In reality though that's my problem and as someone working an AA program I know it's up to me to figure a way to deal with it. But the issue that rages in me with the intensity of a thousand burning suns is that she expects to be married to me, live in the house for free, not pay attention to the kids AND have a boyfriend. And then she got upset because I became mad when she told me. There's a name for men who permit their wives to take lovers and let them flaunt it and I'm not that! You can't demand a divorce, stick around in a house rent free, overdraw bank accounts and refuse to pay for the car you're driving AND expect anyone to be okay with that. Well, actually, you can. So long as you're her.
As for the choice she made: I'm glad she is taking her program of recovery so seriously. At least I was until she started to change completely within the span of a few days - less than a week, really. She started hanging out with new friends and insisting on going to one place every day. She got all new clothes and makeup. She began ignoring everyone but those new friends. And I wasn't the only one who noticed, which was a relief so I knew I wasn't just imagining things due to the amount of sour grapes I had thus far consumed (more to come, I'm sure). Her justification for all these things was that she needed to focus on herself to make her the best mom she could be when it was all over. Relationships were off the table - as this was an AA program and relationships are frowned upon when jut starting or starting again. So I just accepted she was trying to get better and switched into single dad mode for what I thought was a small amount of time.
Then the boyfriend happens. The amount of time she has been alone with the kids in the last 4 weeks can be counted in hours and only on one hand…and you'd still have a thumb left over. The rest of time has been spent…not at the house. Out. Finding herself.
Well, I guess you got a little confused. In your search for yourself you found another person. Another man. Another life. No responsibility. No ties to bind.
Just go. Please. Don't look back. I doubt very much I'd have to twist your arm.
I'm fine. Everything is fine. Don't worry about me. I'm fine.